Letting Things Go

"You will find that it is necessary to let things go; simply for the reason that they are heavy, and that's okay."

I always thought picking out my senior quote was going to be this impossible, elaborate process that I was sure to procrastinate. I have always been a lover of words and quotes and lyrics and one day I was just around and I heard this quote. I have always been a person who, "sweats the small stuff." I think it is important for things not to get to you and I'm so terribly awful at letting things go that I want to look at this quote as a constant aspiration. 

I like to hold on to things. All things. I like to gold on to the bad and the confusing stuff because I will constantly try and dissect and figure it out. It  gives me peace. At the same time, it really clouds my brain to do anything productive or appreciate the really great things. 

This week sucked, but it ended so fabulously that instead of talking about the terrible stuff that happened, I'm going to highlight the things that made everything so grand. 

My friend Brady and I went to Moscow to see our football team play the state play in game and the turn out for the audience was much more than I expected. I had a great time driving down with Brad and chatting and listing to T Swift and talking about the decline of quality fortunes in fortune cookies. At the game, though I don't exactly love football, it was really nice being inside and seeing all these people I haven't in a long time. 

It was so reassuring hugging and reuniting will all these people that have had such an impact on my life. It was a hard week and being able to spend time with people who cared was huge. Being with a boy that just brightened my life and my friends whose dreams are coming true, it was so great.

Now, it only being 3, I am going to watch Supernatural and be supremely confused because of the plot that makes zero sense. What math homework?

This was a little over a year ago, but it just makes me feel so incredibly happy. Plus, I love my haircut. 

Tell Me How To Feel

I have never been so happy as I do right now.
I have never been so confident as I am right now.
I have never been so ready to take on like as I am right now.

As any other teenager in this entire world, I have fought sadness, loneliness, the fear of failure, and insecurity to an indescribable level  in the last five years. I have struggled with my weight, with my personality, with my parents, with my heart.

I'm not sure if nostalgia is speaking right now or the fact that I simply just want to try and make sense of what I feel at this exact moment. In my utterly short-lived life thus far, I have come to sense a Sunday pattern. The feeling everyone gets when something favorable is about to end, bittersweet.

Every Sunday, before I am about to be beckoned back through the halls of school, I get this feeling in my chest; a feeling that is very similar to when I watch a great movie or am immersed into an incredible novel, or when I watch eight straight hours of One Tree Hill. It's a feeling of yearning, want, hope, mixed with the "what ifs" of my future and past. Which, I understand, is a hefty amount of feelings for a person to feel so often. But like, whatever.

I don't think I would trade it. It shows how much I feel as a person. I like that. People (well, my dad) always tell me I think way too much. I over-think, over-analyze every aspect of every thing. I get ahead of myself and picture exactly how I want a situation, a relationship, an outcome to be.

Right now, with all of these feelings sort of crushing my chest, I wonder what else I can do to eliminate the trace of sadness about it. The nagging feeling in the back of my head telling me that something is missing or that I'm not doing something right.

All the time people tell me about my insecurities, "You look great.", "You don't need a boyfriend.", "Don't worry about that grade." These are the things that are me. Stirring from major pain of childhood I will always be in a battle with my weight, forever am I scarred from countless rejections and the lack of experience I hold in the social aspect of my life, and I will worry about my grades because of the many times I was yelled at and told I would end up destitute and a slob if I didn't get all A's.

Anyway, I don't think that post flowed together at all and I am sincerely sorry that this was unorganized and long. If any of you read to this point, thank you. To the moon and back.

This is my dog, Riley. He is a solid chap. 

Peace.

Darren Criss and Four Day Weekends (and The Boy Thing pt.2)

It has been so long since my thumbs have hit the keys for blogger.com! Strangely, the days are just on fast-forward this year. I am not unconvinced that scientists are practicing time-traveling techniques on the universe. Anyway, here I am now, choosing to share my life with those of you willing to listen.

First off, I think it as an imperative to share that I have now become a super fan of Darren Criss (Glee, A Very Potter Musical) I have been watching Glee since the beginning and really lost interest last year, but with a wave of feelings, I have dived head straight into the pool of fangirling. A real true sign of this is the fact that I tracked the tags "Glee" and "Klaine" on Tumblr. The only thing I have ever tracked before this is "One Tree Hill". Shit just got real. I'm very relieved I don't have school on Friday considering I will be an emotional wreck throughout the episode Thursday. Sorry. I'm obsessed. Rant over.

It is officially autumn! I absolutely adore fall, second to summer. The colors, the smells, the clothes! I could go on forever about all the simply poetic aspects of the chilly season. The only thing about it that I really could do without is the fact that shortly after it begins, it ends and down comes the evil, cold snow. Sweaters are covered by parkas, roads are a death trap, and the beautiful leather boots you bought prove to be entirely insensible for 3 feet of snow.

Telling a boy you like him:
Good thing I don't know. I tried Googling it. My result stated, "find out if he likes you first" Well if I knew that, this wouldn't be a conflict. I just really have no idea what to do from this point. The two other guys I have dated were very confident and definitely took the lead in the situation. In this particular case, the boy in mention is a bit more quiet, and quite frankly, probably not the most experienced. Awesome.

Anyway, tomorrow has become my Friday thanks to Bonner County thinking Columbus discovering America is still school-skipping worthy. Definitely not complaining. I am for sure looking forward to a weekend of 90's sitcoms and blogging. See you then:)

                                               Let's take a moment and appreciate this.