My Time On Cloud Nine

First of all, before people jump to conclusions, "Cloud Nine", long before it was a reference to being high, was an idiom for happiness. I quite enjoy it as that and I will make of the phrase as I will.

My last post was pretty whiny and complainy and venty. Though pathetic, I'm glad I was able to get most that stuff off of my chest. I really think it helped in me entering this past week with a clearer, happier mind.

The last seven days were, in short, great. Of course my problems and stressers didn't just vanish and I am completely wonderful and everything is good times and noodle salad (Jack Nicholson As Good As It Gets. Check it.) but, just little things in my mindset and my atmosphere really have altered the "depressive" feelings.

The top three things that have really helped me include but are not limited to:

1. Dressing up. When you feel low, you don't want to try. You pull on jeans and that worn out sweatshirt you got in 8th grade because it's comfortable and all a person wants in a dark period is comfort and safety. However, I always feel my best when I have put together a cute outfit and tried with the mess that is my hair. Confidence is typically the base of any kind of happiness. When you walk around and feel good in your skin and clothes, it spreads to your overall mood.

2. Do your shit, one step at a time. Call me crazy, but one of my favorite feelings is accomplishment. Whether it be the completion of the cleaning your closet project or getting the answer to an obnoxious math problem, it feels so good to get stuff done. However, no matter how good that feeling is at the end, it's pretty damn hard to find motivation to start. It's easy to write that list out of allllll the things you have to get done and toss it aside. The fix to this, in my time of practice, is to just think of one job at a time. clear out all the other stuff and just do one thing at a time, soon it will all be done and your mind will be clean!

3. Indulge in your guilty pleasures. Everybody has them. For me it is One Tree Hill and Keeping Up With the Kardashians and writing this here blog. Maybe for you it is listening to Backstreet Boys and Madonna or  reading/ writing One Direction Fanfiction.  Really, the details don't matter. Even if that plate of yours is overflowing, never be afraid to take some time off and do the little things that can make you happy. All that stuff you have to do, chances are, most of it can be put off a bit. Don't think of it as procrastinating, think of it as maintaining your healthy aura. 

Plus, to be honest, there's the fact I have been losing weight,  had a great report card, my parents and I are getting along, and...there's this boy. I always thought the phrase, "Things will happen unexpectedly" was sort of ridiculous. But, here I am smiling like the little crushed out school girl at suggestive texts and hallway smiles, something that ten days ago, was not happening.

So, do what you love and what you have to do. Peace.



P.S. If there are some sort of cat finding blog gods out there, maybe you can hook me up with my Sophie again. I miss her.

Let Me Be Straight With You

This is going to completely contradict my last couple posts.
I think that the fact that it will is okay. It is okay because I'm just a person and I created this blog to revel in my emotions and understand my own thoughts.

I don't know what is wrong with me. I don't know if I am a walking disaster or what, but all the little things that are consistently piling up right now are really starting to shake this tower of misfortune.

It doesn't help that I feel so incredibly guilty for feeling bad. Right now around me, there are people that are struggling with things I could never imagine being struck with right now.

I know my problems aren't minuscule or insignificant. There is a lot going on. The natural stress that comes from applying to college and the daunting truth that in only 8 months this safety net that is childhood will be gone is apparent in my thoughts.

My cat is gone. If you would have told me a year ago today how distraught I would be over a lost cat, I would have called you completely bonkers. Yet, here I am, puffy eyed and so bummed that she isn't in her chair purring so loud it vibrates.

I'm nervous about my diagnoses. What is going on in my stomach isn't normal or a quick fix. I can tell that by now. All these doctor's appointments and strange procedures are so foreign to me. I just want to know. I just want to be able to fix it and move on and not worry about it.

I'm still reeling over the recent incident with the team. I know that it was a "joke" and it's fine. But how can I get that nagging voice out of my head "it will be funny because she is ugly."? I'm still seventeen. I'm just a kid who, along with everyone else, is trying to figure it all out and find comfortability.

Basketball is killing me. I don't know if I'm sick or if every second of working out didn't pay off. Nonetheless I am having the hardest time keeping up and proving that I can do this. I can't dread it this early. I don't want to. It is so hard to get motivated when no matter how hard or how long you work, it doesn't shine through. Improvements don't exist.

So there is my venting sesh. I just needed to get it all out. I think that using my creative outlet can help me find 'the path to recovery'.

Also, voting on Tuesday! PrObama:)

Fearing the Unexpected

I do fear the unexpected. It's scary. Curveballs thrown no matter their speed are bound to catch you off gaurd. Even the good things are going to give you the feelings of surprise, nerves, and fear.

The last two weeks have been  weird,  hard even. I really have started to realize that this weirdness, is actually life. When your young, things happen and it blows by fairly quickly because it typically is unimportant in the big scheme of things. When you ar older and your "big kid" eyes start to really become clear, bigger problems present themselves.

I have always been told in times of drama with friends, teams, schoolwork that out of the school hallways, all that stuff doesn't matter. Whether or not we have a team dinner after tryouts or losing Homecoming or wearing the same dress to Formal, it. doesn't. matter. When life, real life, throws you something bigger, that thing you overreacted about before becomes so miniscule, so insignificant.

Those small events are important. They are the "speed bumps" to getting you ready to handle those giant Redwood Tree trunks in the middle of the road. Despite what people say, you can't take away how adversity makes a person feel, how trouble makes a person feel, how rock bottom feels.

The great thing about humans is that we are warriors and we are powerful, no matter our position in life and society. We have these incredible brains and imaginations and are able to dream and achieve those dreams. We also have this incredible ability to love and support and believe in and forgive those around us.

Some people look to faith to solve their problems, some look to celebrities, some don't try. I believe that the only thing you need is your own strength and the support of those whose loyalty beams. Even the biggest problems aren't that big. I promise. There will always be something bigger (That seems intimidating) and you can look to the strength and the integrity that you have used in all situations before.

Two years ago, after my aunt got diagnosed with cancer and found out it had spread, her spirits never seemed to waver. I asked her about this and she said, "I just play The Glad Game". I had no idea what she meant and that night she, her daughter, and I all curled up in bed and watched Pollyanna, an old movie from the sixties. At the end, we all simultaneously were sobbing. The Glad Game was a game that the lead character, a child, played and ultimately inspired all of the people in her town. It was a simple game where the objective was to find all the things to be glad about in a situation that maybe wasn't so great.

It's hard to look for the good or the glad. My aunt was glad that she had everyone together at Christmas, that the cookies we made didn't burn, that her dog had stopped going to the bathroom on the carpet, and that even though her hair was gone, she could sleep in longer in the mornings.

Vince Lombardi once said, "I firmly believe that any man's finest hour, the greatest fulfillment of all that he holds dear, is that moment when he has worked his heart out in a good cause and lies exhausted on the field of battle - victorious."

So, in the darkest hour:
Keep going,
Go hard,
Know that you may be wrong, but you are never wrong,
And play The Glad Game.