Standing Up (but I don't want to stand alone) For Myself

I am the absolute worst at standing up for myself.
I can, however, stand up for my friends, family, and passions with no problem at all.

Just like everyone else, I have lost people. Whether I held on too tight, was too honest, said the wrong things, or the wind just blew us apart, friends and I have parted.

I have had this issue with loyalty for quite sometime now. I have this horrible, irrational fear that I will somehow end up alone. When those in my life treat me like crap, I always find ways to justify it and talk myself out of standing up for who I am and what I want for myself. I will appease that person so they will forgive and accept me back into their lives. Even if they're in the wrong.

I am so terrified that I may lose that person, I won't tell them what I am thinking or explain how badly they make me feel because I can't rationalize losing them. What if that's the best my friendships can get? What if by saying what I really want to say--what that person deserves to hear I'm ultimately pushing them away and offending them to a point where they can get away?

It's so wrong, looking at each example in retrospect. If people really are my friends, those who actually care about me, they will stay. They will fight for me as well. They will take what I say and run with it. I never want to be one-sided in a friendship. It's such a terrifying thought.