There's a song. A chilling, heartbreaking, beautiful song. With the strike of the first chord I can become completely lost in this song. Everything in my head just kind of dissipates and I'm left with tears in my eyes and the lyrics pouring through my mind.
I have only had this song for three years yet when it plays I feel as if I'm getting greeted by an old friend. The distant memories of aching pains, obstacles, dogeared book pages, tea getting too cold fill holes I didn't realize I had within me.
I haven't gotten lost in this song-or any song in a long time. Too long. I haven't gotten lost in much of anything in a long time.
Not a book whose words rip me into pieces
Not a movie that has left me speechless
Not a song which filled my bones and my veins and my heart with hope and tragedy.
I miss that. I starve to lay on my floor, completely overwhelmed with words and stories just pouring out of my body, just listening and pondering and hoping.
A few minutes ago I grabbed my old ipod, a tiny little thing whose keys barely work anymore. I scroll and scroll through the millions of playlists I have created for all my experiences. From Morp 2010 to this one, "your life is good."
If you looked at the song you would wonder about this title. In this playlist are some of the most tragic, unrealistically sad ballads of our time. Nothing has ever made me feel more alive then the compilation of these songs. These songs that make me feel in general.
My life has become an automaton of a lifestyle that is missing so much.
I'm desperately homesick. I'm desperately confused about my life and who I am, and I'm desperately uncomfortable in my own skin.
As I sit here, though, sobbing through five minutes and 39 seconds of New York by Blind Pilot I realize that I have been all of these things before. I'll make it, I always make it. In the meantime 187 songs will constantly save my life; my 11th time through This Side of Paradise will get me through like it always does, and mindlessly watching Gilmore girls will cure my ales once again.
Also, here are my 11 songs that will save your life
1. Here Comes the Regular- The Replacements
2. New York-Blind Pilot
3. Stand By Me-Ben E. King
4. Far More-The Honorary Title
5. Best I Ever Had-Vertical Horizon
6. Missn' You-Tyler HIlton
7. Feel This-Bethany Joy Lenz
8. Your Gaurdian Angel- Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
9. Tickets For Teasing-Le Wrens
10. For Blue Skies-Strays Don't Sleep
11. Dance So Good-Wakey Wakey
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